Choices

Whenever i think of choices, i begin to think of how the choices we make begin to define who we are. Then my mind thinks of movies like Spiderman, X-men, etc., but i'm not going to follow that tangent.

back to choices defining ourselves. actually, i'm not fully sure where i want to go with that. i just believe that in life you have choices you have to make every day. some of the choices are simple, like what to wear (ok, i struggle with that choice some days too :-P). others get repeated daily, like "do i go to class today?" still others are more complicated and may have drastic outcomes.

the choices that's sticking out most in my mind is how people choose to deal with the stresses and problems in their lives. lots of people make "healthy" choices by somehow manipulating the stress/problem into a form that can be useful. Anger for example is great motivation for running, plus while running you can sort things out in your head, at least that's my experience. even more people however seem to make "unhealthy" choices, turning to alcohol and/or drugs. it then seems that these choices are continually made becoming what is coined a "self-defeating behavior", and then it all seems to feed off of itself. that is for example using drugs because you are stressed and then not being hired for a job because there was a required drug test, and then doing drugs and such because of stress of needing to find a job. (i keep using 'seems' because this isn't for sure, its just my opinion from my observations)

maybe i care too much for people, as it makes me sad seeing people do things to themselves that keep them from achieving anything and everything they want or ever dreamed. each person has so much potential, i just hate seeing such potential go to waste.

granted i grew up in a 'loving' family, located in a good/safe area, don't ever remember money (or lack thereof) ever really being an issue, didn't ever get teased (other than from a sibling, but that doesn't count), and never really had anything that traumatic happen in my life. i did, however, have extremely high standards to live up to. i had to be, for lack of a better word, perfect. it was expected of me to be the best or close to the best in school, or in anything i did. it was expected of me to get straight A's. it was expected of me to be the typical All-American Boy. like i said, i was expected to be perfect.

if you don't feel that stress is enough to make a kid want to make "unhealthy" choices, try having that stress and then adding to it the stress of hiding who are are from everyone around you. That is, knowing you are not like most other guys, but playing the charade you are, knowing that if anyone found out you really liked guys, you would be tormented. (well maybe not actually knowing, but at least knowing the teasing that happens to others) this means never expressing my inner thoughts/feelings to anyone, especially not my parent's, and thus leaving a feeling of isolation from everything around. Maybe that's how most people feel in high school, i dunno.

i do know however, that i chose to play the role of the perfect child: graduating as valedictorian, achieving Eagle Scout, excelling in soccer/volleyball. I had chosen to use the role that was thrust upon me as the means of getting away and thus becoming who i am. I don't feel i am done with becoming who i am or who i can be, but i don't think anyone ever fully does.

However, resonating effects of my choice is that i still hide who i am to all except those who have proven are trustworthy. I have told my parents who i am, but beyond that i still only tell them the most basic of basic of what's going on in my life. actually there are only 2 people i trust completely with my inner thoughts/feelings. One is actually from high school, and the other is from college. I trust several more, but not as much as the 2.

in the end i guess what i'm mostly trying to get across is that a person has the choice to take what is thrown at them and use it in a beneficial way or not, and that there is always a time to make a new choice.

my question, then to the reader, is "What choices do you make?"