wee hours reflection

it's rather strange how much self-reflection can get done when wakes up for some odd reason around 2:30-3am for several days in a row. part of me thinks that i'm waking up simply because my body is rested and doesn't need sleep anymore, which could be true since the last couple nights i have gone to bed earlier then i had been. add in that i don't really do anything all too strenuous throughout the day and i have a body that doesn't need much rest (right???)

however, the reflection that goes on at the wee hours of the morning also makes me think/feel otherwise. the reflection of "what am i doing with my life?" "will i be able to find a job?" "what if i don't get a job simply because my gpa wasn't a 3.0?" and even "will i ever run into that special someone or have i already?" amongst other questions (some of which are too private for a blog :-P).

the last one i try not to worry too much about, as i think that once i get some of the other things figured out and have started my life, having an actual routine and all, that i will meet that someone. or who knows, maybe i already do know who that someone is. i know that there's still someone i think a lot about, but for anything to happen the 2 of us would at least need to be on the same continent. (those of you that know me, can probably guess who that is)

with all the other questions, the only real solution is time. i know i just need to keep looking for jobs here in denver and many other locations and my questions will get answered. hopefully they're answered in a positive way, which i try to believe it will, as i go with the whole karma thing. that is that thinking positive, in turn does bring positive things into your life. if nothing else, thinking positive will give the self assurance needed in an interview for a job.

or now an even simpler reason of why i'm waking up so early is insomnia. actually that can be rather complex if you try to go into the reasons for insomnia. then again, maybe not. i do know (at least i think i do) that some insomnia is just caused by stress, which is kinda like what the previous questions i've stated do.

and now that i've just gone in a complete circle with my reasoning, i think i should end this now. laters

more song lyrics

so these lyrics are from the song "Another Beautiful Day" from the Latter Days soundtrack (like i said it's one of my favorite movies now). if you want the music video for it here's a link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebnBgI7mcNA

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When you were just a child of eight
You were taught you were not to deviate
Only one way to heaven but half a million ways to fall

Well we can alienate the strange and the odd
As long as we're one nation under God
He might love me but you're his favourite of all

And it's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
In the land of the free

We can hate the Jews and the blacks and the fags
As long as we pray and salute the flag
And fall on our knees to a
Jesus who looks just like you.

And it's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
In the land of the free

They blessed your soul and told you to travel
Dressed in polyester for a God made of gravel
Your a man on a mission I wish you could save yourself

And it's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
It's another beautiful day
In the land of the free
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other good songs in the movie are "Tuesday, 3am" and "More". the tuesday one is kind of a sad one, but still a good heart-felt song.

anyways, i'm off to bed.

job searching

so i've been searching for jobs, but its really hard to search when i don't even know the title of jobs i should be searching for that my degree will help me to get. i've just been searching for analyst jobs. every now and then i see one that i think looks interesting, but it says you need a business or accounting degree. i'm pretty sure i could still accomplish those jobs because well, once you have proven calculus, the actual application of math (especially with just simple addition, subtraction, and multiplication) i believe is rather easy.

i have applied for several jobs online, so now i just sit and wait to hear back. while i wait i know i should also be continuing my search, but like i said i don't know what job titles to really look for. i think i still have a couple of networkings (not even sure if that's a word or not) that i haven't tapped into, but will wait a bit more before i use them.

something that has popped into my mind is during my searching and such is from someone's response to a question of how to get a job as they have an engineering degree but haven't found a job in over a year. the response basically was that engineering and science degrees are usually very specific in what is taught, while other degrees such as business, marketing, etc can be used by any and all companies. to think i thought i was going with a general degree :-P nah i know it takes time to find a job once graduating, especially if you're not near the top of your class.

with that i think i'll bring this to a close. altho if anyone out there knows of a company (or simply a job title) looking for someone with a BS in applied and computational mathematics , feel free to leave a message :-P laters