Regret

so for some odd reason i've been thinking about things i regret, or don't. i've concluded that there's not anything that i really regret at all. this in turn made me arrive at two possibilities regarding regret.

the first being that not having any regrets means that i am living life the way i want and doing what i want. also, i think having no regrets means that i'm confident that i've made all the right choices. every now and then i think what would have happened if i would have chosen a different school, a different major, or who knows what. however if i had chosen something different i wouldn't be the person i am today. i would not have experienced the same things i have experienced.

the other possibility of having no regrets is a bit dark/gloomy. no regrets may mean that i haven't lived life to the fullest so far. that i haven't experienced everything that i could have experience. not taking chances, but living the safe life, taking the easy path, calculating all options to a decision with the outcomes/consequences carefully weighed, and so on.

or maybe having no regrets is a bit of both. afterall, i have studied abroad in australia. i have gone on trips on a bit of spur of the moment (or little planning involved, ie portland). every now and then i do throw myself into something that will challenge me to become better mentally, physically, etc. however, i also think of what may happen due to my actions. i wonder what people will think if i act a certain way, and thus keep myself in check the majority of the time trying not to react to events/situations/etc, but to logically and carefully consider the different ways to respond (which may not be a bad thing in the end). i just know that once in a while i get the urge to just go wild and take the attitude of 'f-off if you don't like what i'm doing, i'm tired of worrying what you think'. in the end however, i critically think of what i could do that will satisfy the urge, but with the minimum amount of repercussion after doing so.

basically, the conclusion about regret is that it is a double edged sword, acting both in a positive and negative manner. the only difference is the mood you (or me :-P) is in when thinking about regrets.

with that, it's time to do some studying.

(in case anyone's wondering, this topic came about because i've been trying to figure out what i'm going to do once i graduate, and having a hard time reaching a conclusion, thus wondering about a few choices i've made. like i said though, if i had made different choices, i wouldn't be who i am, and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't change that for anything)

Deal Breakers

so an old teacher, which i suppose i can now call a friend instead of 'old teacher' is looking for input for writing a song about what it is, that makes you stop and think 'yup, definately can't date you' (aka deal breakers).

there are some obvious ones that come to mind. like smoking and/or drugs, but then again i've dated someone that's done both. so in a way it wasn't really a deal breaker, but more of a boundary w/in the relationship. anyways i'm digressing.

my friend is looking for something more unique. the example she gave was hairy backs.

i haven't thought too hard on it, but i think i have figured out one deal breaker i have that i'm pretty sure i wouldn't ignore. atrocious grammar/spelling/etc. is the one deal breaker i don't think i could overlook. i'm not saying i'm all that great at it myself (ie look at what i type), but having multiple misspellings and such just make me cringe. i'm not talking about how some words get changed to make IMing or txting quicker or whatnot.

i'm gonna spend a bit more time pondering on other possible things that make me say to myself 'you're definately not dating material' to try to help my friend out to make an awesome song/lyric. anyone else have any unique deal breakers?

alright i should head to bed, so i can actually be productive tomorrow (mostly finish my advance calculus homework). 'nite

Portland :-)

so this past weekend i traveled to portland by myself. before leaving i was a bit scared as i was going by myself and not knowing anyone there once i got there. those same reason's tho is what also made it rather exciting as well (maybe due to the adrenaline from fear :-P). The weekend was long and not much (overall) sleep was had. i worked friday night, didn't get home 'til about midnight, then had to leave for the airport at 4:30am on saturday (downside of flying standbye is the best flights to take are the ones no-one else wants to take). got into denver around 7:30-ish intending to take a 8:20 flight to portland, which ended up being full, so then i got to sit around DIA until the 1pm flight. good thing i had some homework/reading with me. got into PDX around 3, took the train to the city center as the hostel i was staying at was w/ in walking distance. i did get off the train at a wrong stop (right street, but wrong side of the city :-P). finally made it to where i needed to be, checked in and then went walking around for a bit. ended up back at the hostel around 9, and then went and got some pizza (free might i add :-P) with a couple other people staying at the hostel (the hostel must have had a deal w/ the pizza place as there was free pizza every night as long as someone went the 3 blocks to pick it up). ate the pizza, talked (those i talked with were either moving to portland or thinking about moving there oddly enough) and then went to bed around midnight.

woke up around 7:30ish (the one night i did sleep enough), got some coffee at the cafe across the street, and then went exploring some more. my first destination was the washington park. it was awesome eventho nothing was in bloom, which makes me wonder how great it looks in spring.

ok, i'm getting tired so i think i'm gonna stop the hour by hour dictation of what i did. in short i walked around heaps (enough that my shins were getting sore). PDX was awesome and green (not sure if it was all moss or not :-P). it's a different kind of cold there as i had thought, hey it's gonna be above freezing i just need a long sleeve shirt (this i discovered when i was walking around washington park in the morning). No sales tax was a plus, altho i didn't really buy anything (i didn't have any room in my bags to take anything back with me). the public transportation there was easy and free when in the city center. definately think i need to head back sometime to check out some of the suburbs and such of it (mostly to price the cost of living, etc).

with that i'm off to bed

singles awareness day

well it's not the 14th yet (it might be by the time i finish typing but that depends on how much i ramble) so why not mention the holiday that i more-or-less despise. well maybe i don't despise it, it's more of i just don't understand it. how did singles awareness day (aka valentines day) become such a big holiday. i mean it goes straight from xmas stuff to v-day stuff in the stores. i don't know why people like it so much. i think v-day is really really stupid, and a bunch of crap.

don't get me wrong, it's not that i've never been dating someone on valentines day or whatnot so i'm angry at all the happy couples. it's that i don't see why there's only one day that society (mostly the stores) says you should tell your loved ones how much you love them. you should be telling them you love them throughout the entire year.

don't even get me started on having to buy people gifts to show them you care (ie diamonds, chocolates, etc). plus what do guys get on v-day??? i'm pretty sure most the guys i know really wouldn't want flowers or jewelry, some might want chocolate/candy but who wouldn't want sweets??? the whole having to give someone a gift to show you care basically says everyone who does is materialistic. some gifts could be alright if they have special meaning between the giver and the givee (i'm pretty sure that's not a word, but i'm gonna use it anyways) but the gifts should be given on a special day that isn't celebrated by everyone else. wow for not wanting to get started on gifts i sure went on for a while.

on a different topic. i was thinking of heading to portland this weekend to check it out, but other than getting the time off of work i haven't gotten anything else planned for it. it doesn't take much to get a plane ticket (ya for finally being able to use flight benefits via my mom :-P) but finding a reasonably priced hotel could be hard. then again, i should check to see if there's any hostels or similar there as they're usually good priced. actually i think i might do that until i head to bed. laters

aaahhhh indoor soccer

i just realized that the 'aaahhhh' in the title could be taken as either a scared 'aahh' or a relaxing 'aahh'. it's suppose to be the latter.

intramural soccer has been going on for i don't know how long as has men's league indoor soccer, but i only found out about it yesterday. supposedly the people that put the teams together from the schools club team thought i had graduated last semester. granted i should have graduated by now, but it's not like i've failed classes and had to retake them. i'm gonna be graduating with 150 credits, eventho for my degree i only need 128.

anyways, back to soccer. it was fun to play again tonight eventhough we lost. the last time i had kicked a soccer ball i think was probably the last outdoor game from last semester, which i think was roughly late october or early november. i was starting to miss the miscellaneous injuries (which i have a few of now :-P) from playing. there's just something about playing hard and having evidence to prove so. at least right now i'm thinking this, tomorrow on the other hand i may be saying something completely else :-P

one thing that's always funny/weird is that whatever team i'm on, we're usually mostly defenders. supposedly defense is what wins games, but when you don't have an offense player that will shoot, it makes it a bit hard to get any goals.

oh well, i do have a shirt that says i was in intramural co-ed soccer champion and it had only taken 4yrs to get it :-P well one of those years i wasn't technically in the states, but still.

anyways, i'm gonna head to bed so i can wake up and finish my math modeling homework in the morning. so far the assignment has taken around 10hrs and it's only about 2/3rds of the way done. plus i haven't even started my advance calculus homework (luckily that's not due 'til monday). 'nite all

carnivorous cats

(if you're wondering about carnivorous cats, skip this paragraph and go to the next one) this weekends been alright. glad i got off of work before anybody came in that was gonna be there for the entire football game, as we are to stay until our last table leaves (at least most the time). that's all i really have to say about the game, as after i got off work, i had gone home changed and then went to the mall. didn't have any desire to see any of the game at all, not even for the commercials. might have been more inclined to if i knew of anyone having a party. i did however end up at a friends house to watch the last quarter or so. i think the biggest problem i have with the superbowl is that people say that the winning team is the world champ, which in my opinion they're not. they haven't played any teams outside of the NFL. granted they'd most likely beat any other team, but they never played them so i don't think they should be able to say they are the world champs. i have the same feelings about baseball and the world series.

anyways, on a completely different note, cats can be punks (aka annoying). this weekend my aunt was gone so i was responsible for them. last night i shut my door and didn't allow them in as i have too many things i think they'll chew up or whatnot while i'm sleeping. now i have good reason too. i had left one of my necklaces (my favorite one) in the bathroom on one of the shelves. this morning while getting ready for work it wasn't there. eventually i did find it on the floor next to the double recliner. not really too surprised tho as i was kinda expecting that my aunts cats had done something to it. i hadn't suspected tho that they'd eat it!! luckily for me (and them i suppose) the necklace i had made myself out of leather from a craft store so i can just make another one as the charm is still fine. actually i would have been more worried if i didn't find the charm as it's made of metal and is about the size of a 50 cent piece.

i am also curious which one of the 2 it was (or if it was both of them) that ate the leather. my aunt and i have suspicions on which one it is that eat's the little toy mice they have. oh well they're stomachs :-P

this coming up weekend is gonna be fun. at least i'm anticipating it to be. not sure what activities there's gonna be, but it will be fun catching up w/ ashley in person. altho i'll be catching up with her in march as well assuming she doesn't have to go to china when i'm suppose to be heading to WI to visit.

well i should do some tiding up as my aunt gets home tomorrow.

an awesome poem

wow, second post (well kinda) in one day, that's like a record for me. anyways...

so i got the desire to clean my room/reorganize some things. in the process i came across a photo album that my friends in australia had given me. in the cover they had glued a poem by Marianne Williamson (from her book A Return to Love). The title of the poem is 'Our Greatest Fear' which is the poem below (it's copied how it was in the album) :

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brillant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Now i'm not a religious person by any means, and usually try to avoid anything dealing with God. however, with this poem i make an exception (well kinda). The message within the poem is just spectacular with or without refering to God (really hoping i'm not pissing anyone off, so if i am, i'm sorry, but this is the way i think). The poem gives you the feeling as the reader that you have power that you should not be scared of but to embrace it and use it. In the process of doing so, you help others to discover there own power, who in turn help others, and so on.

Awesome, just plain awesome.

With that i'm gonna get back to reorganizing so it doesn't look like a twister went thru my room.

new layout

so instead of doing homework or something onlong that line to fill my time, i decided that this blog could use a little revamping or whatnot. it'll be a slow work in progress, but let me know what you think.