rain, rain, go away

when it rains it pours

does anybody else really have that feeling that there can never be just "bad" thing to happen, there has to be multiple "bad" things that occur around the same time. (bad is in quotes because i firmly agree with the quote "for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - shakespeare)

could it be part of a person's mindset of thinking "what else can go wrong" that something will end up going wrong. then you have to wonder if the events are independent of each other or not, or if somehow the one event had in some mysterious way influenced the results of the next one.

in general i don't really think that "bad" events have influence on each other. that is unless they are directly related. i was trying to think of an example, but my mind doesnt really wanna work all that much. anyways, i hope you get what i mean.

the positive thing of so called bad things happening is that you know when something "good" occurs. without the bad you would not know the good (i'm pretty sure there's a quote somewhere that basically says that too).

besides with all the water there is in a downpour it makes all the plants nice and green afterwards. that is if the downpour doesn't completely flood and kill everything :-P yes that is kinda morbid, but it's also the weird mood i'm in right now and anything that makes me smile or snicker is worth every bit.

hopefully i'll have a more entertaining post in the near future. on might be the tattoos co-workers were talking about wanting to get and the tattoos of other math/engineer people they know, which will make some of you hit your head and think "what nerds" :-P

scared

this might be a bit more descriptive than the previous post, but it will still be kinda vague as i'm not going to reveal everything in my life online. only a select few get to know those details.

anyways, as the title says, i am scared. i am scared that i'm becoming someone i really don't want to. i'm scared that altho i feel i have strong morals i won't be able to hold on to them when i should the most.

in part of the cultural to which i live, it is ok and considered more or less innocent to hook up with someone and play (and yes i'm referring to sexually) whenever you feel the need. i'm scared i will begin to think/believe this eventho for me i want and had always anything sexual mean something more than just something physical. this scares me.

after learning some other aspects of people in my life, and some of the events in their lives, and the troubles that arise from them, makes me think that i might be just like them. this scares me.

knowing some of the things i've done when i did and didn't necessarily have the best thinking capability, makes me think i'm not too far off. this really scares me.

not sure where else i was going to go with this as right now i am in a much better mood than i was when i started this entry earlier today. i am still scared of what i've typed, but the severity of the fear has declined to a manageable level.

finally a free weekend :-) and :-(

it's finally happened, that i have an actual free weekend. there's no moving, no organizing/putting stuff away, no nothing. ok, i do have one thing i need to do today and that is to play indoor soccer, but that isn't until 10pm (so glad there's coffee and free donuts at work on mondays :-P). having a free weekend has meant that i've been able to sleep as much as i want as i don't have anything i need to do.

however, i'm not sure i really like the lack of things to do. it's making it so i have more time to think about what is going on in my life, and at the moment i don't want to be thinking about those things. i would much rather have something occupying/distracting my mind, especially because i was actually dreaming about what i would prefer to not think about.

i know it's probably better to try and solve the problems i perceive in my mind as soon as possible as opposed to later, but i just don't want to. i also know that altho i'm trying not to think about certain problems or issues i really am and it will just take time for me come to a conclusion/solution and then to become carefree again (and i don't mean the act of carefree when i'm around people).

wow, this turned into such a downer of a post when hadn't intended for it to be. such is life i guess, just have to take the bad with the good, and keep moving forward.

i will end on a much brighter note tho. like i said i do have an indoor game tonight which i'm rather excited about. am kinda scared i won't be able to move tomorrow at work since i haven't done any running since i started work, but playing again should be fun. hopefully they'll need a sub again in weeks to come. actually i'm kinda hoping that someone at my work takes the initiative and creates an indoor team that's mostly co-workers.

with that i think i'm going to go find some food, since the only thing i've had since eating friday night has been nachos from qdoba. laters all