Working/living in Italy

So i'm using my other blog on here to let people stay up to date on all my happenings while working in Bologna, Italy. Ok, well maybe not all of my happenings, but at least the key events :-P

The address of my other blog is
http://www.dsaussieexperience.blogspot.com/

***i created my other blog to keep family/friends up to date on my study abroad experience back in '05 hence the url***

Personality quiz

so i took a little color personality quiz earlier this week that involved selecting colors in the order that made me "happy". the results i think i kinda interesting and pretty true for me i think, at least for the current point in my life. altho i'm not too sure about the arrogance part, but nobody ever thinks they're arrogant, so yeah :-P then again the results are still kinda broad just like daily horoscopes, what do you think?

Your Existing Situation
-Is sensitive and easily influenced by other's thoughts and emotions. Looking for friendly, easy-going relationships and jobs that help develop them.

Your Stress Sources
-Feels empty and isolated from others and wishes to overcome this feeling. Believes life has more to offer him than what he has experienced thus far, and doesn't want to miss out on anything. He pursues all his goals and dreams, fearful than any missed opportunity will cause him to miss out on even more. Quickly becomes an expert in any field he pursues and can sometimes come off as overbearing and nosy.

Your Restrained Characteristics
-Current events leave him feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.
-Stuggles to make his demands clear, but feels ignored. Feels resentful, but acts as if he doesn't care, doing what is necessary to keep peace.
-Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. He is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty.
-His arrogance causes him to take offense quickly. Only those closest to him know deep down he is sensitive and sentimental

Your Desired Objective
-Looking for a loving relationship, which brings happiness and contentment. Brings emotional excitement to the relationship. Helpful and willing to give as much as he takes, and requires the same sort of giving relationship from others.

Your Actual Problem
-Needs to find a stable and peaceful environment which will free him of the worries that are preventing him from achieving the things he wants.

Your Actual Problem #2
-Prefers to be left in peace and avoids arguments, confrontation, and conflicts.

revelations (of a sort)

So i'm not really sure how this post is going to end up. I just know it's going to me being open, letting my fingers type the thoughts inside my head, while hoping its coherent and makes sense.

to start with i know i'm not the only person that thinks about what is going to be revealed here, but for the purpose of why i'm typing what i am, i am going to be assuming that i am quite rare in my feelings, beliefs, desires, etc.

For the last 6 months (or maybe even year or even longer, i'm not sure of the time frame exactly) i've been trying to find and figure out my place in a community of which i am a part of. Part of me knows i should not worry so much about it, as the specific community is not my life, it is just a small portion of who i am as a whole. Many things are disheartening about the community, at least the parts that i've witnessed. I could make a list of them, but there'd really be no point in doing that. Creating a list will not make those things go away, or even solve them. If by chance you do want a list, let me know and i'll make one for you. You will probably figure out a couple of the items i find disheartening by just reading on if you choose to.

Anyways....continuing on....some of the things i find disheartening, it seems that not many others feel the same way about them. it also seems that when i mention how i feel about them to others, i get the feeling that i have to justify myself about my beliefs and such, making me feel even more like an outsider than i already do. maybe it's just that i haven't been able to find similar minded people as i'm looking in all the wrong places. i never thought looking for similar minded people participating in activities that i enjoy (ie volleyball, swimming, etc) would be as difficult as its been.

i just don't believe that every action a person does is related to sex. i don't assume that if a person has "activity partner" on their online profile under the section of what they're looking for on the site as meaning sexual activity partner. i take it as they're looking for someone who likes to do the same things (ie hiking, running, etc)they do. i do not play volleyball or swim in order to hook up. i do not go out to hook up. when i go out, i go out with friends and when i go home, i go home with the same friends. for a month or 2, i went out, as i wanted to be wanted. i got the feeling of being wanted, by "showing off" by dancing shirtless at one of the clubs. i have not done that in several months now. by acting like that, i was not getting what i truely wanted. yes, i was wanted, but i felt as if i was only wanted for how i look, which actually made me feel like an object instead of an actual person. needless to say, i no longer want to participate in that scene. not saying i won't go dancing every once in a while, but when i do, i am going to go with friends and have fun (while keeping clothes on :-P)

from many of the things i've seen/experienced over the past several months i have been cutting myself off from many things and people. actually in general i've been becoming emotionless, except for anger, agitation, aggrevation, and other similar feelings. this has made me realize that i am heading in a direction i never thought i would go. thus i am going to try and make the changes in my life in order to do a 180 and get back to the person i know i am. i foresee myself staying a bit cutoff for a bit longer, but that is so i can spend some time in deep thought figuring out the necessary steps/changes i need to take.

(something that would be great is if you read this, you somehow let me know you did)

one of the changes i know i need to do (and have known for a very long time) is to stop keeping things bottled up. hence this blog entry is a result. i will try to make myself let others know when they do things that annoy me or that i just don't agree with. this means i can't be as passive and will probably end up angering others in the process, but so be it.

another change i need to make runs parallel with the prior item. i need to take a stand for myself and what i believe, feel, want, etc and not compromise the issues that are most important to me. the main one being the correlation between emotion and sex.

for now, that's all i can think of saying, ranting, etc. hopefully in a weeks time or so you'll be seeing a more enthused me :-P

Top 25 Songs

So here's a topic that more or less says more about me in a round about way. Listed below are the top 25 songs according to how many times they've been played on my computer through iTunes out of the 2101 songs i have (at least in my iTunes library as theres many songs on my comp i don't have in that specific library). I haven't connected my iPods to my computer in a while so there might be a few differences, especially the ones towards the bottom of the list.

1. Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
2. This Is Who We Are by Hawthorne Heights
3. Becoming a Monster by Self Against City
4. Damn Regret by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
5. Seventeen Ain't So Sweet by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
6. Sick or Sane (Fifty For a Twenty) by Senses Fail
7. Breathing in Sequence by Hawthorne Heights
8. Still Searching by Senses Fail
9. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows by Brand New
10. Up Against the Wall by Boys Like Girls
11. Atrophy by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
12. The Great Escape by Boys Like Girls
13. Can't Be Saved by Senses Fail
14. False Pretense by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
15. One Eight Seven by Senses Fail
16. Seventy Times Seven by Brand New
17. Baby Girl, I'm a Blur by Say Anything
18. Stroke of Luck by Self Against City
19. No Subject (Come With Me) by Cartel
20. I Kissed a Boy Remix 2 by Chris Salvatore
21. Jasey Rae by All Time Low
22. Five Minutes to Midnight by Boys Like Girls
23. Even the Strong Won't Survive by Self Against City
24. Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects
25. Take a Drink by Quiet Drive

Some songs i'm surprised aren't on the above list include:

Maybe Misery by Quietdrive
Voice in the Dark by Autopilot Off
Make a Sound by Autopilot Off
Failure by Design by Brand New
Georgia by Cartel
Honestly by Cartel
The Fight by Classic Crime
Taking it All Back by Count the Stars
Going Under by Evanescence
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" by Fall Out Boy
Yule Shoot Your Eye Out by Fall Out Boy
Tearjerker by Fenix TX
Fed Up by Gob
She's Gonna Break Soon by Less Than Jake
My Mannequin Can Dance by Matchbook Romance
The Greatest Fall of All Time by Matchbook Romance
Fuct Up Kid by Mest
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance
Walkin' Alone by Never Heard of It
Camisado by Panic! At the Disco
I Lie Awake by Quietdrive
Let It Enfold You by Senses Fail
Bloody Romance by Senses Fail
Family Tradition by Senses Fail
The Priest and the Matador by Senses Fail
Blackout by Senses Fail
(plus many more Senses Fail songs)
Ides of March by Silverstein
Smashed into Pieces by Silverstein
If You C Jordan by Something Corporate
Me Against the World by Simple Plan
I Loved the Way She Said "L.A" by Spitalfield
Non-Toxic by SR-71
Best of Me by The Starting Line
This Ride by The Starting Line

ok and there's many more, but my attention span is rather small right now (actually surprised i actually got to the S's in my library :-P)

The question now is what do the songs say about me??? (feel free to respond :-P)

Known Facts

Well i saw this on a friends blog a while ago and thought it was a good idea. Since i haven't blogged in a while i figured, heck why not, especially since i have some free time.

Some known facts about yours truly:

1. I don't take compliments very well (would almost rather people didn't give me any, especially when it comes to physical attributes)

2. I take criticism even worse than i take compliments

3. I'm competitive in most everything i do and feel i need to be better than average at it, altho i couldn't tell you the actual score of a game i played an hour or so after (i might be able to remember if we won or lost)

4. I don't like being in the spotlight, even on the extremely rare case that i think i deserve it

5. I believe i'm non-materialistic (i do own a lot of movies, but that's more for entertaining others and myself)

6. I don't like answering phone calls (more so when i don't know the number that's calling)

7. I put others needs and feelings ahead of my own (which is one thing i'm trying to work on)

8. I love to travel, or to just go sit and observe people in their daily lives or interacting with others

9. I'm what i call messy organized

10. I like to sit on the floor (which is how my computer is set up right now)

11. I don't listen to the radio, read the paper, or watch the news because i don't like hearing of all the things that are wrong in the world as there are so many positive things to focus on instead

12. People who don't accept that people have different points of views and opinions annoy me, especially when they try to force their views and opinions on others (its as simple as agreeing to disagree)

13. I thoroughly enjoy thunderstorms and would be on a hill top watching them if it was safe

14. I try to not assume anything about things, especially people, as when you assume it makes an ass of u and me :-P

the list goes on, but i need to be getting ready for volleyball. however i will try to add more when i have a bit more free time and feel like typing :-P

'tis the season of likes and dislikes

well it's definitely that time of the year when everywhere you look there's an advertisement trying to sell you something to make someone you know/care about happy. now i don't really want to sound like a scrooge, but i don't really care too much for this time of year. well, let me rephrase that; i don't like this time of the year that all the stores have created. it'll probably be easier to just make a list of the likes and dislikes of this time of year.

likes:
-the food (why can't it be made at other times throughout the year???)
-spending time with people i care about
-people are slightly nicer (but also see dislikes)
-people watching; people trying to carry more bags than they should is kinda funny, not to mention the crazy serious shoppers are too (altho they're also kinda scary)
-hot chocolate with marshmallows (and kahlua :-P)

dislikes:
-how you have to buy someone a gift to show you care, and according to the stores, the more expensive the purchase, the more you care (hence people getting trampled on Black Friday). similarly, that if you don't get a lot of gifts then nobody supposedly cares about you.
-that it's the season for benevolence; why can't people be benevolent throughout the year? or why do people want you to give more at this time of the year than at any other?
-houses that look like you can see them from space due to the xmas lights (especially when they've been up since october)

anyways, i'm sure there's probably more things i could list, but for now i'm sure you can see what my likes and dislikes tend to be. the dislikes being those associated with physical objects or material items, and the likes dealing with things that inanimate/immaterial/etc.

rain, rain, go away

when it rains it pours

does anybody else really have that feeling that there can never be just "bad" thing to happen, there has to be multiple "bad" things that occur around the same time. (bad is in quotes because i firmly agree with the quote "for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - shakespeare)

could it be part of a person's mindset of thinking "what else can go wrong" that something will end up going wrong. then you have to wonder if the events are independent of each other or not, or if somehow the one event had in some mysterious way influenced the results of the next one.

in general i don't really think that "bad" events have influence on each other. that is unless they are directly related. i was trying to think of an example, but my mind doesnt really wanna work all that much. anyways, i hope you get what i mean.

the positive thing of so called bad things happening is that you know when something "good" occurs. without the bad you would not know the good (i'm pretty sure there's a quote somewhere that basically says that too).

besides with all the water there is in a downpour it makes all the plants nice and green afterwards. that is if the downpour doesn't completely flood and kill everything :-P yes that is kinda morbid, but it's also the weird mood i'm in right now and anything that makes me smile or snicker is worth every bit.

hopefully i'll have a more entertaining post in the near future. on might be the tattoos co-workers were talking about wanting to get and the tattoos of other math/engineer people they know, which will make some of you hit your head and think "what nerds" :-P